Something I vehemently work on in our house of close-in-age-same-sex kids is ensuring they support each other in their talents and interests. Of course, I know the desperate reaching for this goal may be in vain, and they can easily grow up to be highly competitive and destructive of each other's dreams anyway, but we will sure as hell make the effort.
Like many, I have been lucky enough to have some very petty people around me for most of my life. When someone else did something good, owned something cool, or achieved something great, these people would make them feel guilty for it, or make that person feel bad for owning, being or doing something better than mediocre. It was almost bullying to a degree...like a reverse snobbery. I've seen many really wonderful-spirited, good-hearted people broken because of this. They lose their spark of what drives them and are so mentally beat up because of their achievements, blessings or belongings that they give up and shun anything better than average. People even get talked about just for being happy-go-lucky types with nothing material to be jealous of. (..the nerve of that person to be happy while there are others struggling!) Yes, this happens in school, but kids can be taught and guided to change as they grow...unfortunately, an adult is typically set in their ways and it takes a major life-event for any change of serious nature. Jealousy is considered one of the seven deadly sins and if you look at the way these people operate, you will know why...it's evil at its worst! I used to think, "what an asshole!" (ok...I still do sometimes) For the most part though, I pity these people because really, how horrible must your experience be to have to constantly bring others down or stir up negativity in others' minds? I try hard not to feel condescending or inflated, (though it is challenging when they're acting like jerks) and I understand my own perceptions may give me a sense of superiority when I know someone is being "evil", but it also allows me to feel more compassion for this type of behavior. It doesn't mean I want to be around it, but I'm able to let go of the hatred that can come of it. I'm not being sarcastic when I say I feel lucky to have had these people in my life...because of it I've learned ways to mitigate or lessen it.
1. Don't brag...(well not to anyone except your true friends anyway!) Now I know that most of these people will find fault whether you do or not, but it does help to deter the "green-eyed monster" of envy.
2. Limit your time with people who consistently make you feel self-conscious about what you have, what you do, where you live, the vehicle you drive. (and this goes both ways whether you have a lot or nothing at all--who needs to feel like that?) Life and all the parts of it should be celebrated and treated as a gift...anyone who acts like you should apologize for being yourself is someone who it is probably prudent to steer clear of, unless you are able to handle your "frenemy".
3. Share! Share what you have....nothing softens hearts more than receiving a gift. Something meaningful, materialistic or even just the gift of a genuine, kind word from you may be all someone needs to feel better about themselves and less likely to be nasty.
4. This may sound corny or whatever, but seriously, PRAY for people. You are fortunate enough to be blessed with a good heart...maybe the heinous one who has it out for you didn't get this grace given to them.
Lastly...STOP WORRYING about what these people think or say! I have a very intelligent friend who gives great advice and the underlying message when she is talking me down from being stressed is not to worry so much...not about what others think, not about an outcome...and she is right. At the end of the day, they are them and you are you. Do your best and have good intentions, that is all you truly have control over.
"The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.
William Penn
“The number our envious persons, confirmation our capability.”
― Oscar Wilde
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